Many of us would like to climb the service stairs above. Certain psychological techniques can help on the path to achieving the desired goal. What exactly to do, says psychotherapist Elena Ulitova.
Among my customers there are many managers of different levels. Most of them are counting on promotion in a career and apply to the corresponding request. Working with them, I use an algorithm that can be useful for others.
The whole task is divided into two main stages, and each of them includes five points that are formulated as questions.
Stage 1. Create an image of a goal
1.What place are you dreaming about? When they ask me to help in taking a higher position, I propose to start with this issue. Place – both literally and figuratively. This is another working space, new office. What will it be?
“I know well how everything will look,” the 27-year-old Daria replies, “it looks like the office of my boss, which I often go into. The same large table, the same chair. But I will definitely put flowers on the windowsill-I like it when there is something alive in the room “.
The working conditions will also change, perhaps the schedule will become others. New subordinates, colleagues and leaders, tasks, functions, responsibilities will appear.
“I will have to make a monthly report,” Daria continues, “but I know very well how to do it, because I am already collecting all the data for him. Only now – in a new role, I send it myself, he is signed by my surname “.
2.What new abilities will you have? This is the next question. “I will need to analyze more information and give a quick answer,” 37-year-old Vitaly replies.
“In this position, I have the ability to choose an excellent team,” says his same age Anna, “and I can find a suitable business for each, in which he is as effective as possible”.
3. What new beliefs are about oneself, about others, about life in general? “I am sure that I can manage a large team, like a conductor with an orchestra,” Anna continues. – When everyone understands his signs and obey his instructions, but the result is a coordinated work that gives everyone pleasure “.
Other answers most often sound like this: “Finally, I can say about myself:“ I have taken place ”,“ I help others fulfill their desires ”.
4.You yourself – what (what) you will be achieved by the desired? Many say: “I am a manager”, “I am a boss”, “a person who has taken place”.
5.For which you make your dreams? The answers are most often as follows: for the sake of themselves (in order to creatively realize), for the sake of the family (the life of my loved ones will become more prosperous), for the sake of their profession (I bring new knowledge to it).
Vitaly says: “The father will finally see what I have achieved, and will be proud of me”.
Is it useful for us if we do something not for our sake, but in order to prove to someone (usually to the father or mother, less often-to other relatives, teachers or classmates), which we stand?
If this is the only motivation, then there is a chance that after a short moment of the celebration, the work will cease to bring us satisfaction. But if this is an additional motivation that is important for the client, I see no reason to convince him that this is not good. A similar motive – to prove his viability to his father – is present in many men.
And women rather dream of surprising their mothers. “Mom will see that everything works out for me, that I can do it myself, that I am independent and competent,” says Daria.
6.What feelings do you have when the goal is achieved? Typically, customers straighten their shoulders after this issue, raise their heads, talk about such sensations in the body as warmth in the chest, free breathing. “The same feeling that I experienced when I was told that I won the school Olympics,” Anna answers. – As if you are walking on the ground, but you know that you can take off at any moment if you want. “.
Stage 2. Plan steps to achieve the goal
After the client receives a clear idea of what he is striving for, what he will feel, see how he will change and his view of the world, we move on to the planning stage. There are two important questions to which you should get an answer.
- First: that I will lose on the way to my goal?
- Second: what will I lose by achieving the result?
Usually it seems to us – if we rise above the place where we are now, then we will get only bonuses and benefits. Sometimes it happens.
But more often achievements are accompanied by losses that we did not think about. For many, they turn out to be unexpected and prevent the joy of acquiring. Therefore, I propose in advance to consciously weigh everything “for” and “against” and make a decision not blindly, but with full responsibility.
Is it worth thinking about it even earlier? Until the goal is set and has not been felt, its image is unclear and it is almost impossible to realize what it will have to be abandoned for the sake of achieving it.
1. How your life will change when you find yourself in the desired place? Ordinary answers: “I will lose time to rest, to meet with loved ones”, “I will lose my freedom”.
“I will have a big responsibility – I can no longer leave for the weekend, turning off the phone,” Victor believes.
At this stage, customers often have a new awareness. Some understand that losses may turn out to be more acquisitions, and decide to postpone their plans or even abandon them. They begin to appreciate what they have now.
Sometimes people realize that the named goal does not actually belong to himself, but became the result of introjects (uncritically learned beliefs) that career growth is an obligatory component of life success. Then their views are changing. And those who are still ready to advance to the goal do it more responsibly.
2.What do you need to achieve the goal? “I need additional education, new communicative skills”, “Read a lot of special literature”, “Take courses of time management”, “Learn a foreign language”.
3. What are your resources? This is a difficult question. Most of us sees obstacles much more clearly than what can help us.
Therefore, here I usually tell customers that resources include their own qualities, such as willpower, the ability to motivate themselves or the habit of bringing the matter to the end, build a hierarchy of tasks and start with the main (or, conversely, the simplest). Already accumulated knowledge that you can lean on. And conscious incompetence, that is, knowledge of which knowledge is not enough, and the desire to get them. This is also a resource.
Finally, there are people who can inspire by their example, share their strategy of achievements, teach separate skills or simply cheer up with the words “You can, I believe in you”. And also we, psychologists, and the opportunity to consult.
4. When you want to take this or that step? Here, much depends on the specific case: on the distance between the current state of affairs and the intended goal, capabilities, resources, from the availability of other desires and goals … Someone needs a month, and someone for several years.
5. In what mode do you want to do this? Most often it turns out that my clients (most of whom are working family people) can take steps to achieve the goal of 2 hours in the morning and one hour in the evening on Saturdays and Sundays.
And again we find out what they are ready to sacrifice for this: communication in social networks, time spent with family, leisure, entertainment. Control periods for intermediate stages are also assigned, and the criterion by which the client learns that the main goal has been achieved.
“Planning helps a lot,” says Vitaly, “I can move in steps and see my advancement.”. After that, the test begins with the action.
It happens that as a result, the deadlines are changing.
Why? This is best answered with the help of the old story.
The traveler, heading to Athens, met a resident of this city along the road and asked how many ways there was still. He told him: “Go!”The traveler considered the Athenian to impolite and went on. Then he heard the answer: “In two hours you will be in Athens”. “But why didn’t you answer right away?”Because I could not answer until I found out how speed you are going”.
Sometimes we ourselves do not know at what pace we can move, so the test is necessary.